my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
