Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
