So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
