I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
