It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
