i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
