apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
