are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
