they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
