onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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