I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
