Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
