unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
