I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
