Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
