dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
