we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
