I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
