She is in my trunk
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
