1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
