and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want a musical about memes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
