Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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