did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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