god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
