New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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