Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
