I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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