Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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