My room smells like vodka and shame
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
