Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
