Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
