you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
