I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
