so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
