i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
