Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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