Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
