There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
