So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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