You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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