Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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