Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
