Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
