Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
