Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
