Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
