WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
