would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
