Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
