All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
