so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm at about main and main street
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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