I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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