were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
