i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
