Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
