Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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