Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
and you fell through a lawn chair
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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