just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
