If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
