I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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