So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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