I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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