So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
