Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
